When you go, will you send back a letter from America? Lochaber no more. Sutherland no more. Lewis no more. Frogmore no more.
The famous Proclaimers song is given an added piquancy now that we learn the King booted Harry and Meghan out of Frogmore Cottage 24 hours after Spare was published.
Really, could anything be more splendid? How cheering that the King responded so compellingly to Harry’s 400 pages of petulance, not to mention trashing his family and the entire British nation on American chat-show sofas.
In his best-selling autobiography, he even invaded his father’s privacy by revealing that the 74-year-old monarch travels everywhere with his teddy bear, failed to get teenage Harry a therapist and was sometimes distant. Boo hoo!
So many secrets spilled, so much wounding treachery. I like to imagine Charles was muttering ‘I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart!’ as he signed the eviction notice with a fine quill and then firmly pressed his cipher into the hot wax.
The famous Proclaimers song is given an added piquancy now that we learn the King booted Harry and Meghan out of Frogmore Cottage 24 hours after Spare was published
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reportedly upset about this ‘cruel eviction’
Down came the guillotine, up went my admiration, three cheers for the King. If Charles carries on being so bold I might have to review my opinion that he and Camilla will inadvertently oversee the end of the monarchy; two darling old boobies ushering in a new age of royal irrelevance.
More from Jan Moir for the Daily Mail…
All the King has to do now is banish Prince Andrew to an ordure-scented bothy on the wilder fringes of the Balmoral estate and my confidence in him will be (almost) restored.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reportedly upset about this ‘cruel eviction’ — oh my aching sides — although they are hardly roaming the prairies in a covered wagon, worrying about finding fresh water before nightfall.
Harry’s only got low-grade A-levels in Art and Geography and a tenuous grasp on reality, but even he must understand that every action has a consequence — even royal ones. And if he didn’t, he does now.
What quiet joy to see the karma train rattling down the track towards Montecito. On behalf of us all, I want to say thank you Your Majesty for giving this spoilt manbaby and his Lady Macbeth of a wife the kick up the backside that they so richly deserve.
For let us not forget that the selfish Sussexes were filming their Oprah interview when Prince Philip became ill; they freighted the Queen’s last year with worry; they painted the Royal Family with a racist hue that was undeserved; and the bruises from their various ‘truth’ bombs and emotional punches are still being felt today.
The biggest joke of all is that Harry and Meghan clearly still thought they had a right to Frogmore Cottage. That it was somehow still theirs. And that it was perfectly acceptable for it to sit empty for 50 weeks of the year and be readily available when they flew in for Wimbledon, or the Graham Norton Show, or the Coronation — in that order of importance, obviously. Although the chances of them turning up for the latter surely get more remote by the day?
Even if it is rubbish to suggest — as some of their more demented supporters do — that the annexing of Frogmore means that there is now no safe space for the Sussexes in the UK.
The biggest joke of all is that Harry and Meghan clearly still thought they had a right to Frogmore Cottage. That it was somehow still theirs. And that it was perfectly acceptable for it to sit empty for 50 weeks of the year and be readily available when they flew in for Wimbledon, or the Graham Norton Show, or the Coronation — in that order of importance, obviously
Ahem. There is the small matter of Windsor Castle, for a start. A fortification that has been keeping royals safe for centuries. And Buckingham Palace is guarded by the British Army around the clock; this might come as a shock to some, but those men in the furry hats are real soldiers, not toy ones.
The King owns many palaces, castles and more than 50 cottages — there is no shortage of spare wings or space or beds for visitors, no matter how ungrateful or unwelcome.
Harry and Meghan appear to hate the monarchy and everything it stands for, but that doesn’t stop them wanting all the perks including grace-and-favour accommodations and, indeed, to be treated like royalty at all times. They like to appear fashionably embarrassed by their privilege, but just watch them yowl like scalded corgis should anyone try to take those privileges away.
This week the couple were out in California, snapped by the paparazzi as they entered San Vicente Bungalows, a private members’ club which boasts the motto ‘privacy is the new luxury’.
Meghan wasn’t carrying her Stop Looking At Us placard, which was a shame. But she was wearing thousands of pounds worth of high-end fashion, while Harry looked rich and relaxed; together they practically pulsated with an intense, cultivated glamour. This is the life they wanted; the vegan leather trousers and the celebrity status, rubbing shoulders with AAA-list stars at an ultra-exclusive Hollywood hotspot.
And to get this new life, they had to say goodbye to their old life, and all the nice things it afforded.
Surely one day soon they will realise that they can’t have both. And that some letters from America are more poisonous than most.
Courtney knows who her friends are…
Courteney Cox got her Hollywood star this week, and co-stars Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow were there to celebrate. It’s so cheering to know not only were the Friends women friends in real life, they have stayed friends, too. ‘“Friends” taught me the importance of camaraderie and really sticking together. These friendships were at the most important time in my life, and we went through so many things together,’ Cox told Variety magazine this week.
‘It taught me about being there for each other — I know, that’s the song: “I’ll be there for you.” But it’s true. Everybody wanted the best for everybody. There was no jealousy, it was only let’s make the best show we can, and let’s support each other.’
What an inspiring testament to gal-pals and the enduring power and comfort of female friendship.
Courteney Cox got her Hollywood star this week, and co-stars Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow were there to celebrate. It’s so cheering to know not only were the Friends women friends in real life, they have stayed friends, too
Dictionary.com has added more than 300 new words and phrases to its reference archive.
They reflect how our modern lives are now lived online, with terms such as ‘rage farming’, ‘cyberflashing’, ‘trauma dumping’ and ‘petfluencer’ all being added to the database.
Confused? Let me enlighten you.
There’s a dog called JiffPom, pictured, who has 9.5 million followers, which is remarkable given reports that he died last year. Sorry to trauma dump on you, but it’s true
Rage farming is ‘the tactic of intentionally provoking political opponents’, typically by posting inflammatory content on social media. Cyberflashing is the act of sending uninvited, sexually explicit images online. And trauma dumping is off-loading your negative experiences onto unsuspecting friends — or being a right Moaning Minnie, as we used to say in the olden days.
The only hint of cheer is the ‘petfluencer’, which is either a pet or a pet owner with a large following online. There’s a dog called JiffPom on Instagram who has 9.5 million followers, which is remarkable given reports that he died last year. Sorry to trauma dump on you, but it’s true.
A round of applause for Kemi Badenoch, who has refused to accept the Women and Equalities Committee’s recommendations to add menopause as a protected characteristic to the Equality Act 2010. They say it would reduce discrimination against women going through the menopause; she says it is a matter for individual employers, not the state.
Badenoch also rejected a suggestion to start a trial of menopause leave, which would give women paid leave from work, separate from sick leave. A voice of common sense at last!
All this hand-wringing makes women seem weak. If anything, such legislation would keep older women out of the workforce. Who’d want to hire them if they’re going to be off sick all the time?
I don’t want to diminish the very real problems some have with the menopause, but women are not doing themselves any favours by trying to bring in menopause laws and give this entirely natural life progression a medical status.
The menopause is a normal part of getting older. Look on the bright side! Firstly, you are NDY (Not Dead Yet). Secondly, it’s not all bad. Menopause brings some things worth celebrating — no more periods, PMT or pregnancy scares, for a start. Good for Kemi for resisting this modish nonsense.
Paula and May – what a loss, what a waste…
Paula Yates and Amy Winehouse — two amazing, talented women whose lives ended too soon because of their drug and alcohol binges.
Channel 4 is to broadcast a new two-part documentary about Paula (pictured), while Amy is the subject of a new biographical film. Back To Black is being directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, with actress Marisa Abela as the doomed singer. I hope these productions are not too bleak — but it is hard to see how big and small screen desolation can be avoided. Paula and Amy were heroin-abusing tragediennes and despite their talents and beauty, both became the ultimate losers in life.
What a loss, what a waste. Let’s hope the message is clear that for many who start taking hard drugs there is no way back.
To Black or anywhere else.
Paula Yates, pictured, and Amy Winehouse — two amazing, talented women whose lives ended too soon because of their drug and alcohol binges.
Am I allowed to issue a small cheep of sympathy for Matt Hancock?
If my WhatsApp messages were published, I’d have to get the next flight out of this galaxy, zoom straight past the Planet of Shame, then on to infinity and beyond. Which of us could survive the humiliation of our worst thoughts, uncharitable feelings or early morning panics being made public?
Still, one does worry about Hancock’s judgment, in passing over his most personals to a journalist known in some circles as The Seamstress — for her demonstrable skills in stitching people up. Isabel Oakeshott says she published Hancock’s private messages because they were in the ‘overwhelming public interest’. Yet that doesn’t explain why she held on to them for months — or previously wrote that despite the care home charges now levelled against Hancock, the ‘evidence I have seen is broadly in his favour’. What changed? Not her capacity for betrayal, that’s for sure.